Summary:

Set some time during the clone wars campaigns.

AU where Naboo Senator Obi-Wan adopts the Coruscant Guard. Commander Fox deserves a vacation for all the fires he has to put out left and right. Various unprofessional/feral Jedi give Mace Windu multiple ulcers. And they all incidentally end up throwing a giant wrench into Palpatine’s nefarious plans.

Mostly Crack. To Infinity and Beyond is the only fic with a sprinkling of plot.

Anthology containing:

Courage of the Stars

“Do you like it, general?” Hardcase asked eagerly from where he was sprawled over a metal crate in their designated hanger. Anakin stared at the new artwork adorning his battalion’s starfighters and gunships.

It was…an extremely provocative cartoon of Senator Obi-Wan Kenobi clad in skimpy gold lingerie, cradling a vaguely phallic-looking blaster cannon.

“Hey, you said we should come up with a design for the 501st. Remember? To boost morale and whatnot,” Tup reminded, scratching the side of his face.

“I meant something like the Wolfpack's nose art! You know, my head and Ahsoka’s next to some of yours,” Anakin hissed, blood pressure mounting at his men’s casual indifference.

“But that’s so boring,” Hardcase whined, flopping onto his side and upending some half-used paint cans onto the ground.

---

To Infinity and Beyond

It was a redhead human male swathed in what looked like six layers of dark lace and silk. The outlandish costume ballooned around him, and as Fox reluctantly got to his feet, he spotted the long train that dragged on the gleaming floor beneath them. Fox peered down at his datapad.

“You must be the new Naboo senator,” He deduced in the silence.

The man ran a distracted hand over his neat facial hair and replied somewhat sardonically, “how could you tell?”

---

Baby Butcher

It was the damned adult coloring book, featuring swashbuckling General Kit Fisto grinning from ear-to-ear on the front page. That annoying green Jedi. Only he was in black and white, and waiting for Fox to color him green.

He was going to color him pink out of spite and cram the book down Wolffe’s gullet and the color pencils up his ass—

(Can be read as a stand alone one-shot)

---

Hall of Fame

Rex could probably pinpoint the exact moment his general fell in love.

---

An Age-Old Dispute

Rex’s general frequently visited the clone commander barracks to vent and complain.

According to Anakin, he had a lot of feelings and opinions.

---

An Exercise in Violence

“Just thought I’d apologize for being so rough the other day,” Vos said, loud enough for all the shock troopers in the shift station to hear. Stone’s hand slipped over his cup of caf and the brown liquid splashed down his left leg. It went unnoticed as every one of his subordinates were staring at him. Fox closed his eyes, the familiar simmer of hot rage bubbling beneath his skin.

Oh yeah, the bastard was doing this on purpose to get a reaction out of him.

---

A Drunken Excursion

Turning to everyone, Kenobi declared, “drinks are on me tonight, boys. Feel free to order anything off the menu.”

“Sir, permission to profess my undying love for you,” Cody called out, grinning as he blew Kenobi a kiss.

“Out of of line, marshal commander,” Fox hissed furiously as the Naboo senator laughed.

“What are you gonna do, vod?" Cody stuck out his tongue. "I outrank you.”

---

A Chance Encounter

He glanced up at the female Twi’lek standing in his doorway. She bit her lip, looking distinctly uncomfortable to be there.

Fox set his datapad down, “May I help you?”

Bly’s Jedi general sucked in a deep breath and blurted out, “I would like to apologize for my former master’s inappropriate behavior.”

“Former master?”

“Quinlan Vos,” She said with an embarrassed grimace, “I was recently made aware of the fact that he has been…following you these past weeks, commander.”

---

An Impending Doom

“Is this absolutely necessary, General Skywalker?” Palpatine sputtered as he swept the long brown locks out of his wrinkled face. Someone had stuck an unkempt wig on the Chancellor’s head. It looked like a woodland creature had died on him if Rex were to be honest. Kenobi, crouched in front of the old man, was dabbing bits of plant pigment over his thin colorless lips.

“Grievous doesn’t know about us crash-landing on this planet as well,” Anakin explained patiently, “maybe add some blush and eyeshadow, Obi-Wan. The point is, sir, I must do my best to keep you safe. The Separatists will be looking for Senator Kenobi, but they won’t glance twice in your direction if you’re not you.”

---

A Hostile Intervention

“Is it poisoned?” Fox asked.

Wolffe folded his arms over his apron, obscuring the word Boss and only leaving Bitch on proud display.

“No.”

“Laxatives? Sleeping pills?”

---

An Unexpected Adoption

The clone medic on duty stared at the four grown men and two human fetuses framed in his doorway.

“You want me to do what?” Kix asked.

“I’m ordering you to change her diapers,” Fox said as authoritatively as he could muster.

Rex’s medic scratched his stubbled chin and pointed to the exit, “with all due respect, sir, kindly get out of my infirmary.”

(Senator Amidala leaves Commander Fox in charge of the twins. It goes as well as one would expect.)

---

A New Hope

A year ago around this time, Fox had been appointed the Head of the Coruscant Military Police. Six battalions had been on leave for the New Year celebrations. The ghosts of his healed stomach ulcers were starting to burn just thinking about it. 

“We cannot have a repeat of last year’s debacle, Fox. That is why the Jedi Council and Republic Senate agreed unanimously that you should oversee the planning task force.” Chancellor Palpatine picked up a thin datapad from his desk and held it out to a stunned Fox, “High General Windu wrote a list of requirements that he addressed to, I quote, ‘the only adult in the room.’ I assumed he was referring to you, commander.”